right now i am sitting in a rather small coffee shop/moped repair store in the los feliz region of the greater los angeles area. the people here are very friendly, but i cant help but feel like “the guy on the laptop”. you know the guy im talking about. coffee shop, laptop talking on the cell phone guy. i usually work out of the fun office or from home but today i locked my keys in my house so i cant access either until my roommate gets home from work. over the past week we haven’t done much posting due to the never ending (at least it seems that way) work that has to take place on the current fun catalog.

at this current moment i happen to be at one of my brokest points in life (financially). when i think back to the times when i was in college and eating top ramon three times a day (which made my blood pressure that of john candy in his prime) i knew i was poor, but was always able to come up with rent. now things have gotten so out of hand with property taxes and my credit card debt that i have given up on thinking of ways to work off my debt and resorted to thinking of things to sell. every sunday i visit the local swap meet in beaumont california to look for vintage ten speed bikes to bring back to L.A. and sell to hip kids with rich parents. i guess the one thing that makes me feel better about being uber poor is the fact that most of my friends are just as poor due to the current state of the economy. i mean after all we are in a recession right? i could sit here and go on for hours about the down side of being this poor, but at this current moment in time i would like to share with you some of the perks of being poor.

1. learning to hustle-
your awareness goes way up any time you are low on the skrilla. like spider man with his spidey sense, you are forced to find creative ways to function in society. whether its taking a girl out for a night on the town with negative dough in your bank account or giving blood to get the gas turned on, you find a way to get it done.

2. learning to cook and make food for yourself
sure i still suck, but compared to six months ago I’m like a fucking wolf gang puck. give me ten bucks and ill find enough shit at the grocery store to eat for a week. day old bread and damaged cans are by far the best way to go. take a look at the bad ass peanut butter and jelly sandwich i made the other day, yup, thats bananas bitches. another option is to go vegetarian. girls think you are a rational thinking sensitive man, but the truth is you are just saving $1.50 every time you order a burrito. in fact, why not go vegan and save another $1 to leave off the cheese.

3. learning to function without a car-
this is a big one! gas prices are fucking insane. i have pretty much learned to get around los angeles on my bicycle or the bus. the misconception is that los angeles has horrible public transit, but the rapid bus lines are bad ass! they have some mechanism or something that keeps all the lights green so these red devils fly through the city faster then any douche bag in a bmw. riding a bike through downtown gridlock is guaranteed to get you home faster then anyone in any sort of vehicle, plus you get to experience all the crack heads and immigration reform protests first person. the real truth is that owning a car in a major city is a real pain in the ass. imagine the dumb ass that pays $20 to park in downtown than gets himself a d.u.i. on his way home from the bar, all the while me and my broke friends spend $1.25 on the bus or have a beater bike locked up to a parking meter.

4. reading books-
ok, thats not true, but if the cable get shut off next week then i will probably start. maybe i will draw too……maybe.

5. people buy you shit-
just be honest with people and tell them how broke you are. we’ve all got the buddy that hates going out by himself. so when he asks you to go out on the town, just say something like, “im so in debt dude, you know that. why would you even ask?”. this puts them into a situation where they feel obligated to help and it puts you into a situation where you are going to get bombed on your buddy’s dime. whatever you do, don’t get down on yourself for doing this because the truth is your bro would be sitting home buying stupid shit from the itunes store if he wasn’t out buying you miller high-life at happy hour. for this section i would like to give some shout outs and thanks to todd, chris, danger dave, jacky flave, carlos, rob, shannon and countless other people that have kept me boozin and fed for the past few months.

6. dream small, you aint got nothin to lose-
if all you have is really old stuff that nobody wants, then its pretty much yours. check out the photo of the guy in the toyota camper. i took a snap shot of him the other day thinking it would be funny and later realized how happy he was in the photo. my guess is because nobodys coming to repo that bad boy. thats his for life, no matter how broke he gets. this guy looks like he has alot of things he could teach the world.

maybe you have lots of money and this doesn’t apply to you, or maybe you are a bum at a coffee shop high jacking some Internet just like me and maybe I’ve helped you to realize just how good you’ve got it and maybe now that everyone i know is poor, we will all become more resourceful ninjas and maybe soon we will all learn to be happy without plasma televisions, x box 360s, i-phones, audi A4’s, downtown live in studios, 3$ cups of coffee, sushi, net flix and all the other bullshit that has been drilled into our heads as being the key to “the happy life”……. maybe? truth be told, if i had boat loads of cash i would probably buy all that shit. (p.s. i just pooped in this rather small coffee shop which has a rather small bathroom that is for “employees only”. i lied to the girl and told her i needed to wash my hands)

for more hustle info check out donovan over at the berrics. he has a show called “buttery ass mondays”

sean t